Had to Say
by SilverCat63
Summary: Why was Dean there to bust down Sam's door and save him from the fire again in the pilot? He had to tell Sam something, had to get him back. Dean angst is fun!


**Author's Note:** We all know that Sam and Dean are male, and therefore lack communication skills. I wondered what Dean couldn't say as he left Sam at the end of the pilot, so I went diving in the pool of angst that is Dean Winchester. It was fun.

_**SPN SPN SPN**_

I cut the engine and waited for the axe to fall. I could tell Sam was moving beside me, getting ready to leave, but I couldn't watch. I wouldn't look at my brother until Sam was out of the car and my life. It was safer that way.

The door slammed solidly. I still couldn't look.

"Call me if you find him."

I couldn't risk what might come out of my mouth if I opened it, so it was better just to nod. Even if it meant the tension would continue and Sammy would think I was being unreasonable. Better safe than sorry.

"Maybe I can meet up with ya later, huh?" Sam offered, and my heart soared at the words. That would be good.

I had to keep control as I nodded and said, "All right."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could just see the face Sam was making at me. He didn't look angry, just frustrated, like he wanted me to say something else. Well, that wasn't gonna happen. He'd have to go back to the normal life he wanted so much and that interview that was his future, not me.

I started the engine up as he turned, pushing him on his way. His retreating footsteps echoed in my ears, and I couldn't stand it any more. I leaned across the seats to catch his eye. "Sam."

He swung around, that almost hopeful expression back on his face.

"Y'know, we made a helluva team back there." I winced internally at my slip up. So much for control, Dean. You tried before and it didn't work. He wasn't gonna change his mind in a few hours, ya doofus.

Sam nodded and said, "Yeah."

Which meant it was my turn to be disappointed. I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I just pulled away from the curb, idling down the street and watching to make sure Sam got safely into the building.

He disappeared, and I yanked the steering wheel over, doing a tight u-turn. I pulled up on the opposite side of the street and stared hard at Sam's apartment building. I had some thinking to do.

I really liked hunting with him again. Sam might say he didn't enjoy it, but I knew my geeky brother liked doing the research, literally uncovering a town's skeletons. Maybe I'd call Sam and we could get together or something. Maybe go road tripping without hunting. We would stop at all those crazy tourist places we sped past on our way to the latest mission. That would be nice — but Dad had to come first.

But Sam was a big help, and I could have done it on my own, but I...I didn't want to look for Dad alone. But only 'cause if something happened to Dad and got me too, or got to Sam... I didn't even wanna think about it. I didn't want to just disappear on my baby brother, drive off and never be heard from again. Our family was small enough as it was.

Taking a deep breath, I made myself get out of the car and walk over to the door. A quick glance made sure that no one was around to see, and I had the lock picked in a moment, even with my nerve-numbed fingers. I really had to tell Sam to upgrade his security. I'd meant to say so before, but I got distracted.

The building was well maintained; the stairs barely creaked as I walked up the three flights to Sam's floor. With most of the tenants asleep, the silence was near absolute. The only sounds were my quiet footsteps and breathing. The muffled yell that rang out a moment later had me throwing stealth to the wind and clattering up the steps and down the hall.

That was Sam. He was in trouble.

Sam's door loomed ahead of me then disappeared under a well placed kick.

"Sam," I called, unable to see him. Where was he?

"Jess!" Sam was shouting again and so was I. I rushed blindly through the tiny apartment until I saw Sam, laying on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. That was when I noticed the body and the flames.

The whole place had caught fire and was blazing hotly around me. I couldn't focus on that. Had to get to Sam. Save Sammy. A quick once over of Sam showed that he wasn't hurt, or at least not bleeding. So I grabbed him and dragged him away, hauling ass out of the bedroom.

"No, no, no! Jess! _Jess_!" His frantic shouts rang in my ears, but I shoved him out roughly. And just in time too. 'Cause a moment later, the ceiling collapsed onto the bed. Right where Sam had been a moment ago.

That was too close.

Sam kept shouting as I bundled him down the hall and the stairs. The neighbors were waking up. Sam's shouts and the fire alarms were hard to sleep through. I ignored my brother's sobs as we raced across the road, back to safety. Then I had to keep him from rushing back, going after Jess.

We both knew it was hopeless, but Sam didn't seem to really care about that right that second. I put myself between him and the danger, holding him close and shushing him as sirens came echoing towards us. Finally, as the first fire engine arrived on the scene, Sam stopped fighting and just let me hold him.

I felt a guilty twinge. Sam would definitely be coming with me now. I wouldn't leave him alone after this. No way were we splitting up. Not with whatever the hell it was after us. It almost got Sam, and me along with him. It probably already had Dad or was hot on his trail. I got my wish. Why did fate always twist what I wanted?

_**SPN SPN SPN**_

**Disclaimer: **Anything recognizable is not mine. It belongs to the Hollywood big wigs, whoever they may be. I'm just playing with the pretty, angsting boys, not infringing on copyrights — not intentionally, at least.


End file.
